because i'll never say it...

I’m knee deep in merlot. The cork was cracked by one who needed it more. It’s a rule you know: if someone asks you for your alcohol, they need it more.

I was a happy baby. When my eyes met my dad’s it ended the first (and almost last) sincere cry of my life. I mean, who can be stronger than the man who can explain and make you understand the death of your parents’, your gods’, at the age of 5? My dad was my parents/ my mom fulfilled the sister/best-friend role. Together, they’re cuter than a pair of baby butt cheeks.

Like viktor said: ...everything can be taken from a man but one thing; the last of the human freedoms—to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.

I was a boyscout. My den master was a great guy, though he was a drunk. But, my cub leader imparted much wisdom. If there was any lesson I learned from him, it was to leave everything better than you found it. Be it camp site, pots, pans—whatever, you did it.

I find it to be no coincidence that my only regret in life comes from the only thing that I didn’t leave better than when I found it. After all these years, I’ve realized that you leave what you find better for you, not what you find.

flashback ramblings

i had some insominia last night. i have to say, aside from my friends and family, i can't wait to go back to new york. the more i think about it, the more i realize that i left for the right reasons.

i had to buy plastic bags for the liquid products i'm bringing aboard the plane. i decided to go back to giant eagle to buy them, where i worked all through high school, and a little bit at university. i've avoided that place for so long now, and to pull into the parking lot felt like i was going to work. out of habit, i even parked in the employee parking section.

when i walked in, i swung by the produce section, as if marty, erin, and the gang would be in there causing trouble. i then went by the food court and saw elaine. i wanted to say hi, but didn't want to bother her on her break. i looked through the deli and bakery section, and recognized nobody.

i walked through the liquor store, thinking about mandy and the gang and how i used to go there just to flirt with her. funny that we used to go on dates, and i never really hand any interest in her. as pretty as she was, i could never stand the way she'd take her food apart like a bird, and all her girly-girl habits.

i walked around looking to see if any of the managers, or tier 3s were there. nope. all gone. even the CSPs and customer service girls were gone. it's funny, 'cause a piece of me went there just to be where i crushed ever so hard on tricia lane, the girl i'd have never guessed could like me.

then elaine noticed me, and we talked for a bit. she really hasn't aged a bit.

while checking out i saw darlene and alice, and talked to alice for a bit. i told her how there were few familiar faces, and she said it was pretty much just the three of them.

15304. how the hell do i remember that? there was time when i thought i'd work there after i retired. man, that was a couple lifetime's ago.

i later swung by my dad's office for the second time this weekend to talk to ali, the engineer i once worked under and saw ken.

somehow i remembered the gentle headbutts, this weekend, and how that was completely unique to us. but, that too, was a lifetime ago.